Debra Baty
This truth in Proverbs is important enough that Solomon repeats the exact verbiage in chapter 14 & 16. Clearly, this is a truth worth driving home… there are countless ways men, women and young people make foolish and destructive decisions based upon what seems right in the moment.
This faulty thinking can be traced all the way back to Adam and Eve’s original disobedience to God in the Garden of Eden. Even there, before sin saturated nearly every aspect of humanity, a decision was made. A decision based not on what God clearly stated, but on what “seemed right” regardless of what God said.
Naturally, the world doesn’t care about God’s laws. Many don’t even believe in the reality of a personal God who created all things, let alone a God who gave His life to redeem hopelessly fallen humanity. The real issue isn’t the perspective of the unchurched and non-believers. Rather, the far greater concern is so many are living according to “a way that seems right” to them, even as professed Christ-followers.
The examples are endless, but certainly compromise made in the inordinate pursuit of: pleasure, comfort, money, careers, retirement planning, following feelings, personal happiness, sex, and identity are a few of the many ways we set ourselves on a path leading toward death because we reject God’s way for what feels right to us.
As our understanding of and value for God’s laws diminish, we functionally consider ourselves to be more enlightened and “nicer” than God. So we make compromises for ourselves and others that often seem small at the time, frequently giving way to cumulative or major sudden life-choices that are a total departure from God’s intention and outside of His protective boundaries.
When this happens, we engage in the same distorted thinking and reasoning as Eve. We observe the “fruit” before us (whatever that might be). Satan, the world, and our own flesh reason that “it” seems good (Genesis 3:6) and we depart the narrow path of life for the wide path of destruction and death. Sadly, in our deluded condition we often influence others to join us on this path that promises wisdom, fun, and freedom, but actually leads to bondage.
Setting aside the many areas we as purported Christ-followers and regular church-attendeee ignore the lordship of Christ in our lives and abandon The Narrow Way, this particular blog post is addressing one primary area: cohabitation.
In 2019 Pew Research reported that 58% of white evangelicals approved of cohabitation if the couple intended to get married.
According an article at www.probe.org/cohabitation “Cohabitation, as a lifestyle, is on the rise. Consider the significant growth in cohabitation rates in the last few decades. In 1960 and 1970, about a half million were living together. But by 1980 that number was 1.5 million. By 1990 the number was nearly three million. And by 2000 the number was almost five million.
Researchers estimate that today as many as 50% of Americans cohabit at one time or another prior to marriage. The stereotype of two young, childless people living together is not completely accurate; currently, some 40% of cohabiting relationships involve children.”
I have a friend who regularly attends church, participates in Bible-studies, and highly values connecting with other Christians for support and mutual encouragement. She gave her all to an abusive first marriage, doing everything she knew to walk out her commitment and vows. When she discovered that her husband was committing adultery repeatedly she separated from him for a significant amount of time. With his apparent repentance and commitment to work on their marriage, supported by positive actions on his part over time, she returned home in hopes of participating in the much needed growth and development of a far better marriage.
Unfortunately, he did not have the same level of commitment, and as bad as the first 10 years of their marriage was, the years that followed were far worse, including more adultery. Eventually, she left the marriage and divorced her husband. She was devastated, to say the least, and needed time and counseling.
Eventually, without any intention of pursuing a relationship she became friends with a Christian guy, which led to a romantic connection. This brought about a dilemma. My friend had been so emotionally and mentally abused and violated, she was totally afraid of the prospect of ever marrying again. She also didn’t want to put her kids or herself through another failed marriage. She and her boyfriend wound up crossing sexual boundary lines. After that behavior continued for months, it didn’t seem like a big deal for him to move in, with the idea that it wouldn’t be long before they would “tie the knot”.
It’s been 4 or 5 years. They attend church together and seemingly have a life and family together, but with no actual commitment. Her boyfriend wants to get married, but there are still so many areas of unprocessed pain and fear it’s just been easier for my friend to stay where she’s at – living a life of cohabitation, disconnecting from God and her own conscience in this area and ignoring the impact her behavior is having on her now adult children, who are great young men and women, but care nothing for Christianity. Her witness for Christ and her inner peace have been compromised.
In most cases though, cohabitation isn’t about unresolved or avoided trauma from a previous marriage. It’s simply convenient; a way to save money, a way to “test drive” the guy or girl before saying “I do”. But this is a complete disregard for the institution of covenant marriage originated by God.
At www.crosswalk.com an article entitled, “Cohabitation and divorce - - is there a correlation?” stated the following: A 2010 "meta-analysis" looked at 26 peer-reviewed, published studies that followed various couples over time. This analysis found that marrieds who had cohabiting pasts were more likely to face divorce, and that "noncohabitors seem to have more confidence in the future of their relationship, and have less accepting attitudes toward divorce.
Hebrews 13:4 is frank and clear, “Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators [those who have sex before marriage] and adulterers [those who have sex with someone other than their spouse after marriage] God will judge.”
A few years ago a friend confided in me that he was completely baffled by his 12-step program leader. He had been part of a popular Christian recovery program in a local church for more than a year, working out his own substance abuse issues. He had recently learned that his leader was living with his girlfriend, but according to the leader they weren’t having sex.
While it is possible (though highly unlikely) they were not having sex, is that all that matters in whether or not couples are cohabitating? Aside from the fact that sexual sin is far more likely when we are living and sleeping under the same roof, how does this impact those who look to us as a shepherd or mentor? Either this will generate mistrust (as it should), undermine the leader’s character, or it may embolden others to live out the same practice, usually without any effective boundaries to guard against sexual sin.
1 Thessalonians 5:21-22 says “But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good; abstain from every appearance of evil”. Avoiding or delaying marriage and cohabitating instead may seem like wisdom, but it’s definitely not godly wisdom.
Staying on the narrow path with God and trusting His many commands to avoid sexual immorality are both good and for our flourishing, leads toward fulfillment, joy, and life. Let’s choose life, rather than momentary pleasure accompanied by severe long-term consequences.
The above is taken from the Society for Evidence-Based Gender Medicine’s preliminary response to the Cass Report, released in April of this year. In a separate review, psychotherapist and author Stella O’Malley writes:
The study was conducted by Dr. Hillary Cass, a physician and former president of the Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health in England. Among the findings is confirmation that puberty blockers have been used off-label without sufficient evidence of benefit or knowledge of harms, and the use of circular referencing, rather than a systematic review, as a basis for the “gender affirming care” model. This poor quality of evidence was passed around between WPATH, The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), and the Endocrine Society (ES), each using the other as a reference, with no one stepping up to note the claims being made about “gender affirming care” were unsubstantiated.
To clarify, in England, those experiencing discomfort with their gender were being referred to a specialty clinic which, for the most part, practiced what is known as “diagnosis overshadowing,” where all problems faced by an individual were attributed to gender, to the neglect of other issues such as depression, anxiety, autism, sexual or domestic abuse, etc. This practice has now been rejected in favor of a more holistic approach.
A few good reviews can be found here:
The Final Cass Review and the NHS England Response
The Truth About the Cass Review - Hannah Barnes interview by Louise Perry
One of the impacts of the report, as noted in the quote at the top of this edition of R4R, has been the decision by the National Health Service of England to conduct a similar review of the clinics treating adults with gender dysphoria.3
Another decision made after the report was the demand for the release of follow-up information on 9,000 young patients who went through gender affirmation treatment in England by their National Health Department administrators. Noted in the Cass Report was the refusal to disclose whether or not these individuals changed their minds after going through gender transition.
National Health Secretary Victora Akins stated:
“It is disgraceful that adult gender clinics have not co-operated with the vital University of York research to link data on children at the Tavistock so that we can understand their journey into adulthood.
“This Government took the unprecedented step of changing the law to make this possible. There can be no further delay on their full participation. I know that NHS England will use all the powers at their disposal to compel this if they have to.
“Nothing less than full cooperation by those clinics in the research is acceptable.”5
Also, in the wake of the Cass Report, Scotland has announced discontinuing the use of puberty blockers for individuals under 18 years old with gender dysphoria. (England announced ceasing this practice just before the Cass Report was released).
At this time, European countries are dropping “gender affirming care” practices in quick succession. As for the US - things are different in our medical and mental health care systems. Bans against puberty blockers and cross-sex hormones for treatment of gender dysphoria exist in 23 states.6 Currently, there are several court cases by those who had undergone such treatment only to find later that they had made a terrible mistake. It may take a series of lawsuits to bring changes in practice here.
https://segm.org/Final-Cass-Report-2024-NHS-Response-Summary
https://genspect.org/reflections-on-the-cass-report/
https://segm.org/Final-Cass-Report-2024-NHS-Response-Summary
4
Ibid.
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2024/04/10/nhs-bosses-ordered-reveal-fate-of-young-trans-patients/
https://twitter.com/benryanwriter/status/1780646347722375630