We Need to Choose?
Dr. Mark Ongley
This truth in Proverbs is important enough that Solomon repeats the exact verbiage in chapter 14 & 16. Clearly, this is a truth worth driving home… there are countless ways men, women and young people make foolish and destructive decisions based upon what seems right in the moment.
This faulty thinking can be traced all the way back to Adam and Eve’s original disobedience to God in the Garden of Eden. Even there, before sin saturated nearly every aspect of humanity, a decision was made. A decision based not on what God clearly stated, but on what “seemed right” regardless of what God said.
Naturally, the world doesn’t care about God’s laws. Many don’t even believe in the reality of a personal God who created all things, let alone a God who gave His life to redeem hopelessly fallen humanity. The real issue isn’t the perspective of the unchurched and non-believers. Rather, the far greater concern is so many are living according to “a way that seems right” to them, even as professed Christ-followers.
The examples are endless, but certainly compromise made in the inordinate pursuit of: pleasure, comfort, money, careers, retirement planning, following feelings, personal happiness, sex, and identity are a few of the many ways we set ourselves on a path leading toward death because we reject God’s way for what feels right to us.
As our understanding of and value for God’s laws diminish, we functionally consider ourselves to be more enlightened and “nicer” than God. So we make compromises for ourselves and others that often seem small at the time, frequently giving way to cumulative or major sudden life-choices that are a total departure from God’s intention and outside of His protective boundaries.
When this happens, we engage in the same distorted thinking and reasoning as Eve. We observe the “fruit” before us (whatever that might be). Satan, the world, and our own flesh reason that “it” seems good (Genesis 3:6) and we depart the narrow path of life for the wide path of destruction and death. Sadly, in our deluded condition we often influence others to join us on this path that promises wisdom, fun, and freedom, but actually leads to bondage.
Setting aside the many areas we as purported Christ-followers and regular church-attendeee ignore the lordship of Christ in our lives and abandon The Narrow Way, this particular blog post is addressing one primary area: cohabitation.
In 2019 Pew Research reported that 58% of white evangelicals approved of cohabitation if the couple intended to get married.
According an article at www.probe.org/cohabitation “Cohabitation, as a lifestyle, is on the rise. Consider the significant growth in cohabitation rates in the last few decades. In 1960 and 1970, about a half million were living together. But by 1980 that number was 1.5 million. By 1990 the number was nearly three million. And by 2000 the number was almost five million.
Researchers estimate that today as many as 50% of Americans cohabit at one time or another prior to marriage. The stereotype of two young, childless people living together is not completely accurate; currently, some 40% of cohabiting relationships involve children.”
I have a friend who regularly attends church, participates in Bible-studies, and highly values connecting with other Christians for support and mutual encouragement. She gave her all to an abusive first marriage, doing everything she knew to walk out her commitment and vows. When she discovered that her husband was committing adultery repeatedly she separated from him for a significant amount of time. With his apparent repentance and commitment to work on their marriage, supported by positive actions on his part over time, she returned home in hopes of participating in the much needed growth and development of a far better marriage.
Unfortunately, he did not have the same level of commitment, and as bad as the first 10 years of their marriage was, the years that followed were far worse, including more adultery. Eventually, she left the marriage and divorced her husband. She was devastated, to say the least, and needed time and counseling.
Eventually, without any intention of pursuing a relationship she became friends with a Christian guy, which led to a romantic connection. This brought about a dilemma. My friend had been so emotionally and mentally abused and violated, she was totally afraid of the prospect of ever marrying again. She also didn’t want to put her kids or herself through another failed marriage. She and her boyfriend wound up crossing sexual boundary lines. After that behavior continued for months, it didn’t seem like a big deal for him to move in, with the idea that it wouldn’t be long before they would “tie the knot”.
It’s been 4 or 5 years. They attend church together and seemingly have a life and family together, but with no actual commitment. Her boyfriend wants to get married, but there are still so many areas of unprocessed pain and fear it’s just been easier for my friend to stay where she’s at – living a life of cohabitation, disconnecting from God and her own conscience in this area and ignoring the impact her behavior is having on her now adult children, who are great young men and women, but care nothing for Christianity. Her witness for Christ and her inner peace have been compromised.
In most cases though, cohabitation isn’t about unresolved or avoided trauma from a previous marriage. It’s simply convenient; a way to save money, a way to “test drive” the guy or girl before saying “I do”. But this is a complete disregard for the institution of covenant marriage originated by God.
At www.crosswalk.com an article entitled, “Cohabitation and divorce - - is there a correlation?” stated the following: A 2010 "meta-analysis" looked at 26 peer-reviewed, published studies that followed various couples over time. This analysis found that marrieds who had cohabiting pasts were more likely to face divorce, and that "noncohabitors seem to have more confidence in the future of their relationship, and have less accepting attitudes toward divorce.
Hebrews 13:4 is frank and clear, “Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators [those who have sex before marriage] and adulterers [those who have sex with someone other than their spouse after marriage] God will judge.”
A few years ago a friend confided in me that he was completely baffled by his 12-step program leader. He had been part of a popular Christian recovery program in a local church for more than a year, working out his own substance abuse issues. He had recently learned that his leader was living with his girlfriend, but according to the leader they weren’t having sex.
While it is possible (though highly unlikely) they were not having sex, is that all that matters in whether or not couples are cohabitating? Aside from the fact that sexual sin is far more likely when we are living and sleeping under the same roof, how does this impact those who look to us as a shepherd or mentor? Either this will generate mistrust (as it should), undermine the leader’s character, or it may embolden others to live out the same practice, usually without any effective boundaries to guard against sexual sin.
1 Thessalonians 5:21-22 says “But examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good; abstain from every appearance of evil”. Avoiding or delaying marriage and cohabitating instead may seem like wisdom, but it’s definitely not godly wisdom.
Staying on the narrow path with God and trusting His many commands to avoid sexual immorality are both good and for our flourishing, leads toward fulfillment, joy, and life. Let’s choose life, rather than momentary pleasure accompanied by severe long-term consequences.
Most church traditions can point back to a moment in time when the Spirit fell with power. Whether your cherished hero is John Wesley, George Whitfield, Jonathan Edwards, Charles Finney, or William J. Seymour, we collectively look back with fondness and we wonder, “What did they do that we are not doing?”
Often the answer is found in united prayer. Stories abound of people gathered under a haystack, in a living room, at the altar of a church building or in profound worship at a New Year’s celebration. Prayer seems to be the common ingredient.
However I believe the next awakening to shake the Church in western culture may be awaiting an open repentance from the sexual sin within our midst.
Gideon's Call: Baal's Altar Destruction & Testing with Fleece
Tearing Down the Altar
For me, the story of Gideon is so very instructive. God’s people were greatly oppressed by the Baal-toting Midianites. In response to their cries, God first sent a prophet to speak truth. Their rebellion against God was made clear (Judges 6:10). They had given themselves to the practices of the Amorites—the previous Baal worshippers in the land.
Then, as you know, an angel finds Gideon in hiding and calls him to be the deliverer. Before Gideon started throwing down fleeces, he was told to tear down his father’s altar to Baal. It was a defiant act of repentance. But note carefully: it preceded the falling of the Spirit upon Gideon and an astounding miracle of defeating and plundering the Baal folks.
As I’ve written elsewhere, Baal and Ashtoreth were worshiped with open and rampant sexual acts of every type. No limits. Very evil and dark. Dennis Hollinger’s book The Meaning of Sex: Christian Ethics and the Moral Life is not the only work which makes this plain. And while there hopefully are not orgies in your sanctuary, how many people in your flock are secretly taking in such scenes on their devices at home and, heaven forbid, even on their phones on Sunday morning?
And actually, how many of you who are pastors and counselors are bowing the knee to Baal with your swipes and clicks in private?
I get it. You’ve tried to stop. You’ve prayerfully resolved to quit. It is deeply embarrassing. And there may be risk in seeking help. But how is this sin crippling your walk with God and short circuiting your life?
This is also a critical matter to address from the pulpit. Yet most pastors are still so reluctant and reticent to clearly address these idolatrous behaviors and offer any means for setting people free. Are we simply hoping a great revival will flood our churches so that we can be rid of it all?
Idols in the Saddle
Key denominations have split. A grand exodus, if you will. Anglicans, Presbyterians, Methodists, Baptists, and Lutherans, all from an orthodox/traditional perspective, have left their ecclesial folds to find greener pastures. If you’ve had your ears trained to the cultural static, you may have heard a collective sigh, as in, “Finally we can get on with the real business of the church!” Greener pastures are rarely idol free, however. This is as true today as it was for the Israelites.
In a dream, God clearly told Jacob to leave Laban’s territory and move his family and possessions to the land promised to his fathers. His wives agreed this word was from God. So scooping up the many kids and gathering acres of livestock, they escaped Paddan Aram, crossed the Euphrates, and made their way toward Bethel.
Three days passed before Laban found out. Then he came charging after the caravan and caught up in seven days. One point of contention was that Jacob had made off with Laban’s idols. Jacob let him search everything in the camp, saying “. . . anyone with whom you find your gods shall not live.”
And yet it was Rachel, Jacob’s favorite wife, who had stolen them. With artful deceit, she hid them in her camel’s saddle, sat on them, and said to Laban, “Hey Dad, you know I would gladly let you search me, but, uh, it’s that time of the month, and well, you know . . . !”
And so it was that idols of other gods were smuggled into that land with greener pastures.
Is it not the same today? The evangelical exodus from the mainline has been invigorating for some. The greener pastures hold much promise. But have idols to Baal and Ashtoreth been secretly smuggled in?
Addiction to porn is rampant in the pews and a commonplace habit among church kids. Sexual abuse is prevented by background checks, but few leaders have offered a means for healing those who have been deeply wounded. And, I suspect, few pastors address LGBT issues in helpful and hope-filled ways because they’ve already lost people during the split and they don’t want to lose more.
Previous movements of the Spirit were preceded by surrender and consecration. The stories of Wesley, Whitfield, and Seymour bear this out. It was in the midst of seeking a deeper sanctification when God filled them with his Spirit and power. Surely any secret altars to Baal were consumed with holy fire as they surrendered their all to God.
Could it be that the awakening we hunger for is forestalled because we simply will not destroy the known altars and hidden idols carried with us to those celebrated greener pastures?